I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
