forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
