I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize