So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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