I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
