walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
