watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
