he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
