Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
