Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
