well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
