so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
