Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
