You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
