i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
