Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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