theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
