Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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