I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
