You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I forgot how hot balto sounded
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
