marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
