I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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