you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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