i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
