I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
