so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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