You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
