i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
