The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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