I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
