i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
