Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
