I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
