hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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