I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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