is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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