did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
