yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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