you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
