You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
