i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
