What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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