She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
