He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
