i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When are your genitals available?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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