mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
