I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drunk is not a location!
Who died my cat blue again?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize