I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
