For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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