Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
