his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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