ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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