Will you blow on my dice?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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