he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
