So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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