Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
