I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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