I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
