tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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