I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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