We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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