toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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