Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
