...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
pray to the hookup gods
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
