We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
