i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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